The Naked Weapons - Missed Opportunities and Expectations

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The Naked Weapons - Missed Opportunities and Expectations

There was a missed opportunity to team up the Naked Gun movie with Weapons and create the new Barbenheimer and Glicket. If you're too pressed from the horror, you can jump and see Pamela Anderson in a threesome with a snowman conjured from black magic in a detective noir police comedy action movie. I laughed, which is all that matters, and Anderson and Nilson just became my favorite new Hollywood couple. So they got that for them, at least. The comedy was stupid, but we stupid also, so I enjoyed. 

The Naked Gun and the Weapons came so hot that all the hype did the movies dirty. You hear the best horror and the best comedy, and you go there with your expectations for what the best means. You feel somewhat disappointed, even though both movies were able to deliver, despite the negative parts of the reviewing internet and the rotten tomatoes. 

I was so proud of myself. The second I saw the witch graffiti on Julia Garner's car, I knew it was a witch. And this may be one of the best witch movies there is, certainly tackling many original ideas and scratching many topics. 

What about the topics? They were not well developed, and many points got across poorly, leaving the thinking to us. Which is somehow a positive that a movie can get you into conversations, but it seemed like it could be done better. 

The mystery? Some answers were left to our imagination. Like, how was she rejuvenating from the weapons she collected? I would have loved a scene with her just feeding on a child. When the Josh Brolin went to search for his son and she pooped out like a funny surprise, I feel there was a missed opportunity to show her eating a kid. Baba Yaga. She for sure looked like she was using some kind of voodoo, but to me, she seemed very much carved from the Slavic folklore. I wonder what research went into the spells and how they came up with them. I imagine they got it from the folklore of Poland, Serbia, and Bulgaria. It looked like traditional Slavic magic. Maybe 10 years ago, a gypsy took hair from a friend of mine, just pulled it out in the middle of the streets, while she was with friends drinking coffee at a coffee shop. The gypsy then asked her in a traditional Bulgarian gypsy way for 20 leva (10€) to let her alone. My friend, superstitious as she is, gave it and went to a church to perform another shmoodo ritual with a priest, where she burned some stuff, releasing her from this omen. If I were there, because I heard about this the day after, I would have probably screamed Avada Kedavra and kicked that gypsy in the cunt. Can you imagine drinking coffee and a witch cutting your hair? In the cunt, just saying. 

Back to this witch. I thought the performance was incredible. And talking about gypsies, she reminded me very much of the gypsy from Drag Me to Hell and the gypsy from that Stephen King story/movie that ended up with cursing a guy to get thin or overweight. Do you remember? Same energy. This one, though, was effective. She was not scared to approach and take your hair. And the movie switched its passing right where Julian Garner fell asleep in front of Alex's house, and the mother came up like voodoo dool and took her hair. This movie, for the slow passing that it had, had a lot of iconic moments. 

Our poor sorcerer supreme and his boyfriend, and how he chased the teacher, like a non-stop machine gun. I loved that. Later in the movie, the junky did the same and just came again and again, but for a comedic as well as horror effect.

I don't feel that the comedy mixed well with the horrific images of those weapons, although it was good, and I feel like the mystery left the movie a lot earlier than it should've.  The end was too comedic, but I liked the way it was filmed, and it showed this powerful witch bitch as a regular granny. 

The actors were top-notch.

P.S. I liked The Fantastic Four better than Superman. But I love some ideas in Superman better than in Fantastic Four. The real punk is to be kind and trusting, love that. Jurassic World was fun to watch. We love dinosaurs, which were missing from the movie, but whatever. Monsters. Fantastic Superman Rebirth, another missed opportunity here.

Iliya Badev

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