'The Hike' - Chapter Seventeen - Going Early for a Change

Day 11: 

I woke up from the sound of a fart, scaring me out of my uncomfortable sleep. So I rolled myself a cigarette and went smoking. It was 4 in the morning, and I was the only one awake. After the cigarette disappeared, I thought that it was too early to do anything—at least too early for my majesty. So went back inside and I lay on the bench in the kitchen, and as my soul tried to fall back asleep, as I was getting into a comfortable position and state of mind to do so, the kitchen door opened, hitting the wall. I opened my eyes, explaining directly the harsh situation of how I was left here to sleep to some stranger who wanted sugar for his tea. He just made a face and left the kitchen to me.

From this point, there was no sleeping. Ten by ten, the groups started their day on top of mine, and I decided to collect myself and leave early this time and see what that was about for a change. The next hut was super close—Kozia Stena. I opened the book and researched my next move. The original path said that Hut Dobrila should be the next stop from here, but because of the uncertainty of the path, I couldn't call in advance. I gathered my stuff and went toward Kozia Stena.

The path was behind Echo Hut, and just thinking of that bench I had slept on and all those people under the same roof made me hit the turbo. After a slight descent, I found myself between long grass, just like in Jurassic Park—the similarities were so striking that I was expecting to see a velociraptor at any moment. My imagination was working. I stopped, rolled a cigarette, made myself a Nescafé, and slowed down my tempo for a second. This path was also pretty enjoyable, I thought, and I wanted to experience the walk—not run from people and places. So I did just that, and soon I came upon a couple of peaks that I climbed in order to get where I was going.

Absolute beauty spread across the land when I was at the highest points. Here, you can find one of the most beautiful mountain flowers—Edelweiss. I didn’t, although I was looking. 

The question lingers: Would I tear it and take one with me, or would I leave it there to die of natural causes? I’ve seen a lot of people keeping the corpse of this rare beauty in their houses, but I like to believe that I wouldn’t do it. You never know for sure until you’re in that situation, but taking this magnificent flower as a trophy seems wrong. 

The rocky, unreliable path covered with small bushes scared me a couple of times, and as I got lower and lower, the path became more and more dangerous. The concern of falling from my right grew as I came closer to Kozia Stena (Goat Wall). I realized why the hut was named like that. I was literally one step away from my death. Just like those fucking mountain goat videos, where some of them defy gravity while others just fall 50 meters into their doom. No Nescafé or amphetamine can wake you up like the possibility of your permanent death staring at you. So my eyes got wide open, my prayers louder, and step by step, I walked forward.

I saw a forest, which always feels like comfort—literally, you had a chance to grab onto something. I took another slow step after step. It took forever to get to the forest, and for some reason, a year from now, I'll come exactly here to experience the same thing. No, to be honest, I know the reason—I wanted to relive everything, to feel that level of vitality flowing through me, just like I want it right now. I got begrudgingly to the forest. I felt a little bit safer in it, although the ongoing threat of falling to my death didn’t disappear. I realized how strongly the danger had affected me after I got almost to the hut, where the path became more normal. Every fiber of my body was intensely awake and extremely focused. So when I got to the safety of the hut, a wave of calmness washed over me, releasing the stored stress that had been necessary for overcoming this challenge. I congratulated myself and went to have a traditional Bulgarian biscuit cake with beer to diffuse the nerves. It worked.

The guys from the hut were so cool that I suggested that a year from now, when I decided to go on a similar journey, we go and sleep there instead of Echo to avoid crowds. After reliving the same nightmare of a path, my partner and I found ourselves in the same situation. So we booked beds here. We ate cakes as well, just as I had a year before, with all the shock washing slowly off our bodies.

We soon realized that the guys who managed the hut had put us in a room with the only other people there. It was still COVID, and that bothered us—although at this point, no one wanted to participate in it anymore. But still, there were plenty of rooms for the two couples in the whole building, and an exception was possible. Of course, I went and asked for it, only to be faced with the most arrogant and rude “no.” So I asked again, adding that I could pay for it—right, throw money at the problem, and everything is okay—but I was met with the same rude response that shut down my request entirely. One negative experience can really affect our perceptions, thoughts, opinions, and actions—unless we learn to detach from it and see it as it was, without taking it personally. This is something I struggle with very often. Especially as a gay man, a lot of things can seem personal because of their homophobic core and because of how strongly our sexuality is connected to our existence. So I often consume negatives as attacks on my character, which brings anger that consumes me.

To deal with feelings and thoughts I don’t want to experience, I move, I run, I sniff, I smoke, I drink, I get wasted, I hike.

It was almost lunchtime when I left the hut. I had just eaten one delicious cake, and I was ready for the path ahead, which looked way safer and more enjoyable.

Iliya Badev

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