Anything But This Movie

This one, ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between, is one of the most stupid movies ever made! Exploded in the media as a must-see comedy, but where was the comedy? The trailer did promise some, but all we got was 'Catalogue: The Movie'. The whole time you are watching absolutely not relatable people trying to act relatable, like "I have so many problems. I just quit law school and I am in Australia at a fucking lesbian wedding with a super hot guy. Oh no, my perfect ex is also here, but he is so boring. I cannot choose. I AM RELATABLE!" 

I bet Australia paid for this because this was a commercial for them. They are seriously trying to convince you that there are no sharks in Australia, but if you are stupid, you will believe them. You will be even more stupid if you pay 5 € to watch this crap, which is exactly what I did. Also, I have to add that I feel cheated. The huge box office suggested that the movie would deliver on its promise, but the whole time I was cringing from the absurd dialogue and incredibly dumb situations, not to mention that everyone here does a horrible job. I know I could never, but either way, I have a strong opinion about the acting and the script. Everything in this movie sucks, except around thirty seconds of it. Let's be real: I came for the ass of Glen Powell, and I got it a couple of times. We have around 15 seconds left that are worth watching. There was a joke at the beginning of this dumb fest that was in the trailer, where Powell and Sweeney talk about how big his junk is right in front of a grandpa seated next to Sweeney on the plane to Australia. The grandpa goes, "What the fuck," which was the most real reaction that can portray my entire experience with this movie. We have 10 seconds left, and they are actually mixed in with one of the scenes where you see Powell's ass. Of course, the last 10 seconds go to the incredibly cute koala bear that was chilling on a palm tree. The whole movie is all about these 30 seconds; everything else is from "jump the shark" to "nuke the fridge" logic mixed with... I cannot even come up with a dumber comedy than this to explain how stupid I felt watching this. This was supposed to be the film where I fell in love with those two actors; now I don't want to see them anywhere, and I watched 'Madame Web'! Sweeney was better there! She cannot act, no one in this movie can. I didn't feel this stupid watching 'Madame Web'! That says a lot. Only Powell forgets that the camera is there, but the script makes him a sacrifice. You watch this fucking hunk explaining that he cannot swim well because he is not doing cardio, and you watch him 10 minutes before that moment doing power semi-cardio on the beach. This guy, aka the new self-proclaimed Tom Cruise, aka Glen Powell, has so many films coming up that I'll just skip because of his judgment to be a part of this. 'Twisters'? I was going to see it in the cinema, but after this, I twisted myself not to. Everything here except those 30 seconds that I mentioned is offensive. The lesbians were cool, but the script makes them a cliché; they were there only to be lesbians. The black friend? The Australian hunk? Absurd. What a... It offended my intellect and it took my time away in the worst way possible. I have to accept that there is crap like that, but this rant is a by-product of that. I believe this rant is way funnier than the entire script of the film!

I want to add something that will shock you. There are an additional 5 seconds of this movie that are worth seeing, and I am not even sure they will work for you. I guess they spoke to me at the right time. When the black friend, who was playing "the cool black friend"—let's be real—says to Powell that he always pushes someone away when he starts to feel something real and he goes on to the next thing, that spoke to me at the right moment of my life, and I appreciate that. For 5 bucks, it was worth it. The other parts of this movie can suck my...

Iliya Badev