What the hell I was thinking?

 What Broke the Marvel Cinematic Universe No, She-Hulk —or how I call it now, He-Shulk —didn’t start this process. It really helped, when it comes to disappointment, but strangely enough, a much more beloved character’s story was the first blow. If I have to start from the first crack, I have to mention Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness , where for the first time—not in one, but in TOO many scenes—I was put to the test if I am still a Marvel fan. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness It seemed like movie fans were divided over the music fight, and I was not vibing with it at all, but no one seemed angry at the dog head that jumped from another dimension and bit a car that was going to hit a mother and her child. I watched the movie numerous times in order to get used to the nonsense that appeared after we had a pretty solid and grounded—if I may say—MCU until then. I mean, for the most part, we are talking about comic book characters after all. Now we have Deadpool...

Everyone dies. Not in the movie, in general. I love that—no spoilers, just facts. Some of us go sooner, some of us later, and the commentary in both films, although touching on the same subject, sits on opposite ends of the spectrum. Where in The Monkey , the horrific tone was softened by a positive message of nihilism, here we get the opposite of that reality—at least until the end. It’s all about when and how , which remains your choice for the most part. Like the choice Jodie Comer's Isla made when she gave up because of the pain and the even more painful fate that awaited her. Knowing the when and how can certainly shorten the trip for many of us, and here Isla chose the easy way out, given the knowledge she possessed. Speaking of knowledge, some of the commentary was right on point. The ones who survived were the happiest—yet also more prepared—and those who lacked skills met death sooner. Did you catch the fat guys? They were slow, and their deaths were some of the quickes...

I lived in many places, but my mind always remained the most dangerous one. As long as I spent time there, I was not safe. My biggest enemy is me, and the only person responsible for the situation in my life is living inside my head. My mind sabotaged every chance I was given until that point. I ruined relationships like there’s no tomorrow, abusing trust and money, only to transform my reality into something more comfortable to suit my fears. I was held back in the same spot for years, thinking I was living — pushing the truth so far down I forgot what it meant: freedom. But how does a person escape this ongoing cage of lies that was built over years? They were so comforting. And they were working — for a while. I built a support system out of them, staring into feelings that should have been ignored, while losing time on people who didn’t lose time on me, leaving behind people who actually meant something. Thinking is a huge problem. The mother of all problems. Yes, we use our m...

One of my biggest fears is still becoming the monster my father was when he abused alcohol and used my mother as a punching bag. One of my earliest memories is of me standing in the corridor on the first floor of our house, crying. I had just seen my father slap my mother with animalistic speed and aggression. I admit, my mother can be a handful — I know this now, especially when I talk with her. She has a special talent for getting on people’s nerves. But she never deserved the horror stories I came to learn once I was old enough to hear them. Her ribs were broken. Her jaw. She was kicked and punched in front of guests. Once the town understood what kind of "entertainment" my father offered to visitors, the visits from friends and family stopped. But his beatings didn’t. He only stopped when she left him. They're not divorced — so technically, I'm not a child of divorced parents. I'm a child of escape, of anger, and of shame. I first realized I might become like ...