What the hell I was thinking?

Still Day 11: I sped up so I could get to the Arch and sit there for a while, to think about my next move. It took longer than expected—some things appear closer than they actually are, especially my goals. Every time I saw a hut from afar, thinking it would take just a little while to get there, it turned out to be at least two hours. Or when I saw a sign saying the hut was 30 minutes away, I prepared for an hour. I have to be careful—sometimes, setting a longer time limit makes me unconsciously fill that time to the last second, when in reality, a faster way existed. It's one of life's games we have to learn to maneuver—where and how to place our time, and for what or who. I was getting lazier. At this point, it was clear that I didn’t want to follow the book’s suggestion and get to Dobrila Hut. There were two huts before that, and I was stopping at the first one possible. I just didn’t feel like walking more than this, so I checked where Eagle’s Nest Shelter was and opened t...

Still Day 11: I probably got a huge energy boost from that cake because, from here, I was on. The lack of shadow and greenery didn’t bother me; the path had this ease. I enjoyed it immensely and played some music. Because the surroundings didn’t suggest a storm or a bear, I dived into my musical trance. Many people appeared, going in the same direction I came from, with a tempo that almost annoyed me. Probably for the cake. It turned out that those two huts were not that hard to access from the closest towns. People just came by car to the Arch of Freedom, and from there, they hit the road to here, drank a beer, and kept on with their lives. I went in reverse. I kept on with my life, drank a beer, and hit the road to the Arch of Freedom. While listening to one of my favorite songs —one that quickly became an anthem to this day and memory—I was jumping up and down the path like a goat. As I was giving way to the poor families who seemed like they’d never been to a mountain before, I tho...

Day 11:  I woke up from the sound of a fart, scaring me out of my uncomfortable sleep. So I rolled myself a cigarette and went smoking. It was 4 in the morning, and I was the only one awake. After the cigarette disappeared, I thought that it was too early to do anything—at least too early for my majesty. So went back inside and I lay on the bench in the kitchen, and as my soul tried to fall back asleep, as I was getting into a comfortable position and state of mind to do so, the kitchen door opened, hitting the wall. I opened my eyes, explaining directly the harsh situation of how I was left here to sleep to some stranger who wanted sugar for his tea. He just made a face and left the kitchen to me. From this point, there was no sleeping. Ten by ten, the groups started their day on top of mine, and I decided to collect myself and leave early this time and see what that was about for a change. The next hut was super close—Kozia Stena. I opened the book and researched my next move. Th...

Still Day 10: I got to the fountain, where I recharged my water supplies and rolled myself a cigarette. I didn’t see anyone around, so I powdered my nose for additional energy, and after sitting for a while, smoking a couple of cigarettes, I took my bag from the stone bench and went on my way. The road continued to be perfect—slight elevation, beautiful scenery, and me alone to enjoy it. Soon after, I saw the hut parallel to my position and started making a left turn. To get there, I had to make this turn, which turned out to be the scariest thing I did that day. I still had an hour, maybe more, to reach safety, and although I saw the building, the day was slipping away. During this hour, there were places where the path became so dangerous that my head started spinning. Given how heavy my bag was, one unfortunate step could mean I’d experience flying for a couple of seconds before it ended in my unfortunate death. Man, you just wake up and feel alive when your life is in that kind of ...

Still Day 10: Here, to be honest, after a beer, one liter of water, and soup, I felt a little out of it. Going up a mountain straight after such a quick meal with so much liquid inside you is not a particularly smart idea, but I don’t think I ever mentioned that I am smart. Anyway, immediately after I entered the forest, I was amazed once again by the sublime and ever-changing nature around me. The ground looked drained of moisture, but the scenery was thriving under the hot August sun. I firmly believe that this is the most beautiful of all the beautiful paths I’ve taken on this adventure and one of the easiest to walk through. The climbing was actually just walking, and with that slight elevation, I was able to observe and enjoy the picturesque beauty of my country—something I cannot wait to see again. The real beauty of the path to Echo Hut begins after you leave the enchanted forest. There, the trees make way for the view, and in the distance, you can see Echo Hut. Sometimes this t...

Still Day 10: For the past three years of her life, my poor grandma was chained to a bed by her strokes, unable to move or speak. The pain she endured during this time not only broke us but destroyed her. Her passing from this world showed me another scary part of life—one I hadn’t thought about until it happened. Something to look forward to, I thought as I entered the forest. There, under the shadows, after my mind took me on a journey through my recent past, it once again wandered—exploring other parts of myself as I was exploring the mountain ahead. This is the part of life that gives meaning to all of it. Death. The one peak you can’t overcome. After my grandma’s passing, the relief we experienced was unsettling. It was a very unusual feeling. I found out it was common to mourn a person long before they actually pass when they’ve been in a condition like my grandma’s. In that time, family members work through their pain, say their goodbyes, cry a lot—preparing for the inevitable....

Still Day 10: You should be careful about how you consume water in the mountains. There is a possibility of triggering an unbearable thirst that will drain all your supplies and leave you wanting more—dehydrated. Even though I was at the beginning of my journey that day, the dusty road under the scorching August mountain sun played tricks on my mind, making me revisit memories I once dreaded. Right before I started walking this path, I had a routine check-up for STDs and was absolutely healthy—a great feeling to experience after visiting your doctor. The other day, I went to the dentist, and he told me that everything was fine, which blew my mind. I mean, it was a confirmation that I was doing something right, but let’s get back on the road. Unfortunately, gay health culture in Bulgaria is not in great shape—it just isn't. I still know people who have no idea what PrEP is. Although the first lecture I attended about the gay Manna was in Bulgaria, people still don't realize how...

One of the things I love about Germany is the incredible talent that comes here to perform and the easy access to the countries around, which also bring groups and bands I adore. Over the past three years, I have seen some of my favorite artists like Róisín Murphy , Lady Gaga , and Kevin Morby—artists I never anticipated seeing again or at all. The upcoming concerts of The Black Keys in Luxembourg and the mind-boggling idea that Empire of the Sun, Massive Attack, and Guano Apes have concerts near me is just inspiring. I became a concert junkie pretty quickly, and it can be pricey—especially when you turn it into a gay weekend with hotels, saunas, clubs, museums, and life in general—but it’s the sweetest fun you can experience around here. When I heard that Sharon Van Etten was coming to Antwerp, Belgium, and I had been wanting to visit the country for some time, we stormed ourselves and planned the hell out of a weekend to experience this concert, and it was sublime. I had my concerns ...

        A photo of the  tiny bathroom of my tiny apartament ...  Night 9: Sleeping alone in the middle of nowhere under the influence of some paranoid, stimulating drugs can seriously fuck you up. After I ate everything, smoked, drank a couple of beers, and took a shower, I was so ready to fall asleep on the soft beds. Still, sleeping alone in a room with 30 more beds around you brought some fears. Maybe it was just the drugs, or maybe all the movies and horror books that played with my imagination because I fell asleep watching the corners of the room, looking for something that wasn’t there. A couple of times, I woke up, feeling the malignant presence of something in the room, only to open my eyes and realize it was just my imagination—at least, I hoped so. No one was in the big room, and no one wanted to harm me. Probably the wild animals in the forest feel the way I did every night when I had to sleep out alone or in a similar situation. To be honest, I...

This is absolutely my favorite Gaga album and could soon be my ultimate album. Let’s see how it goes because her music and eras work so strongly for specific moments in time that they cement themselves in the capsules they create. And when the next album appears, it just obliterates the last one due to the strong relatability to the current trauma at hand and the evolution of her musicianship—a word I heard from her press tour and now is deeply engraved in my box of fancy words I know where to use. This one is richer than anything I’ve heard from her—the production is top-notch, and the direction feels timeless and original, although it draws from the past, like Bowie and some dark, brutalist, disco techno club from the future, to create this newly elevated line in pop music that no one expected. I mean, " Disease " and "Abracadabra" were just the bridge between Chromatica and this new ejaculation of music she made. This thing is an orgasm of words, incredible musi...

After Anora won five Oscars and I finally connected Mike Madison to Quentin Tarantino, I had to pay five bucks and rent the damn thing. A freaking euro for each Oscar. The buzz around the movie started so long ago that I almost didn’t pay it any attention anymore, and since today, I can’t stop thinking about it. Incredible performance that reminded me so much of Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted —weirdly enough, both winning their first Oscar at 25, Mike 25 years later. So, the new Angelina Jolie is here. And she talked about her brothers in a much more friendly way than the original. I see a pattern, Hollywood. And I also see that such a real, down-to-earth story received the recognition and love it deserves.  After Mike pierced my cold heart with her magical shyness while receiving her Oscar, I was absolutely amazed by her performance and realness in Anora . I say Mike because I feel like I know her for some reason.  I thought I knew that person. I thought I had been tha...

On Friday, I had a birthday, and from now on, I will make my birthday an event like Barbenheimer and Glicket—one that extends over an entire weekend or even a whole week. As part of my gay weekend fantasy, I saw Wicked last night, and right before the Oscars, I fell in love with all the main characters in the movie. I realized the chance Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo have with this movie, no matter how much I loved Demi Moore in The Substance . I never knew that Wicked was about power. A long time ago, I think I saw The Wizard of Oz or some animation, I don't know, but this movie truly made me interested in seeing more of the story. When I connected the dots and realized that the animals teaching in the schools were actually the scientists and teachers of our world—who are being silenced little by little in the pursuit of power—the story became so relevant in my mind. Information is key, and from the start, I knew that Michelle Yeoh's character was somehow evil. No one use...