'The Hike' - Chapter Fourteen - What Makes Life so Special

Still Day 10:

For the past three years of her life, my poor grandma was chained to a bed by her strokes, unable to move or speak. The pain she endured during this time not only broke us but destroyed her. Her passing from this world showed me another scary part of life—one I hadn’t thought about until it happened. Something to look forward to, I thought as I entered the forest.

There, under the shadows, after my mind took me on a journey through my recent past, it once again wandered—exploring other parts of myself as I was exploring the mountain ahead.

This is the part of life that gives meaning to all of it. Death. The one peak you can’t overcome.

After my grandma’s passing, the relief we experienced was unsettling. It was a very unusual feeling. I found out it was common to mourn a person long before they actually pass when they’ve been in a condition like my grandma’s. In that time, family members work through their pain, say their goodbyes, cry a lot—preparing for the inevitable. I remember when one of her strokes happened three years ago. I spent the whole night next to her bed, in our house in her hometown, holding her hand, sitting on the ground, and crying. The entire night, I was preparing for the worst. But in those moments, you can’t let go—you can’t allow yourself to go there.

We cried a lot at the funeral. I hate funerals. But after the ritual, we all felt a quiet calmness—her suffering was over. And with that, the shadow cast over our lives for the past three years disappeared.

I loved my grandma. We had a special connection. And in the calm breeze moving through the shadows of the trees, where I found the summer light bearable, I cried for everything I had experienced this year. Losing my job, my lover, my grandma, my apartment—and all the COVID bullshit before that had messed me up. And here I was, alone in the middle of nowhere, getting back on track, with almost no water.

I love how dangerous situations just suck you in and distract you from the trap of your mind. Too often, we stare too deep inside and miss the world around us. So, in this place, this mountain, no matter how much focus I had on reliving my worst experiences, the dynamic of the landscape and the constant attention it demanded created a safe space where I could just exist. It felt almost primal at times. And I certainly became an animal—especially at the end of the day. But no matter how I looked, I wasn’t a victim of my circumstances. I chose to be here. I wanted to be here. And even though the struggles were sometimes overwhelming, I felt more alive than ever. The vitality that flows through you when you embark on such an adventure is something that still fuels me.

I had to move faster to reach Hut Vejen—my water was almost gone. I had called earlier to book a place in Hut Echo, and the path led through Hut Vejen and up to where I had been yesterday. These ups and downs were becoming really metaphorical—very real and very annoying. If I didn’t have such an eye for the beauty that surrounded me and the changing landscapes throughout, I probably wouldn’t have been having so much fun on this trip.

To get to Echo, I had to climb either Peak Vejen or Kamena Porta, both around 2,000 meters high. Hut Vejen sat at 1,700, and Benkovski, where I had come from, was around 1,600. I had been walking for at least an hour and a half, which meant I had at least another hour to go before I could reach water. Even writing about it makes my mouth dry. The sun was shining bright, and the only safe space was under the trees, which now covered the entire path to the hut.

After a while, I saw the signs for the hut, and I started to feel more comfortable. Even though my bag was heavy, I was walking at a normal pace, like a guy with a normal bag. I was getting used to the weight, the heaviness, the pain—I was getting pretty good at moving around with it, ignoring it.

In front of the hut, I saw a lot more people than I expected. I had been alone at the last one, which meant not many hikers had chosen my path—the obviously hard way. The hut was a big building, almost hotel-like, but old. It felt nice to see movement and hear people talking.

I looked like an animal. Yeah. And I caught some stares, but they probably forgot about me long ago. I dropped the beast onto one of the free tables and went straight to the kitchen for beer, water, soup, and waffles. First, I drank the water—delicious. Then I had some beer while waiting for the soup—also delicious. I consumed all kinds of liquids to restore what I had lost, then ate the sweets with the remaining beer—just fucking incredible. You know everything tastes better when you earn it with hard work. After a lot of walking from place to place, those rewards give the taste of life.

By this time, I had already forgotten my fake diagnosis, my grandma’s passing, the uncertainty of life, and my broken heart. I picked up my bag from the ground and continued on my way through a sexy little path behind the hut—straight into the enchanted forest…

Iliya Badev

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